October 13, 2008

The Magic Chili Dog

After all my years in Alphabet City one thing stayed consistent through the gentrification: Ray’s Magic Chili Dog.

No matter what you did, how much you drank or how late you’ve been out, one of Ray’s Chili Dogs before bed and you are guaranteed to wake up hang-over free. The power of the Magic Chili Dog has been tested and re-tested with 100% re-produceable results.

I had completely forgotten about the Magic Chili Dog until I stumbled upon this: Ray is now offering recession based $1 fries and $1 ice cream cones. Rays is such a unique East Village spot. Ray’s is the first place I experienced the Egg Cream.

Three or four in the morning at Rays I consistently ran into the oddest people— including the macho worldwide account director for eye-bee-em… and his gaggle of secret boy-toys. AWKWARD when we had a client meeting the next day! Somewhere I heaps of Lomo rolls from late night debauchery with Murph and Dave that frequently ended there.

_ A side note and warning to you crazy kids out here: the same scientific method used to discover the magic powers of Ray’s Chili Dog, also identified that Two Boot’s Mr. Pink and Cleopatra Jones as post-drinking/pre-bed nosh harnessed the complete opposite “evil” power… Either slice is guaranteed to cause killer Pyrosis and greatly enhanced morning hang-overs. _


It's been about a year since I had occasion or opportunity to summon the powers of The Magic Chili Dog, but it was still there, affordable and a "cures-what-ails-you" for the entire group out that evening.

I have developed a theory as to how it works. Once you've been in the place, you may understand. There are special bacteria that can only survive in a place like Ray's (most bacteria are not resilient enough). These super-strains, nay extremophiles, posses the unique ability to kill alcohol cells in your body, hence eliminating the alcohol's ability to induce a hangover.

More research will be required.

Don't forget to get an egg creme, too. It's important to stay properly hydrated.

Leave a comment